So, I like to control things. Does that make me a freak? The more I talk to people, I think it's freaky if you don't like to control things. Who's ok with being out of control? Those people are the real freaks.
I've been in a bit of a funk this week. When I step back, it doesn't make sense. My days are easier now that my two older kids are back to school. The weather couldn't be more pleasant. The kids have been good and even going to bed at a reasonable hour. I've been exercising and reading my Bible. Usually when I'm in a funk one of these things is out of whack.
I was about to lose my patience a few nights ago and my loving husband asked me, "What's really wrong?" And I didn't have an answer. Then, this morning, I opened the Bible app and this was the verse of the day...
And it hit me. My need to control is rearing it's ugly head. It starts innocently. This is my inner dialogue:
I need to make sure my kids have everything on the back to school list. I need to fill out forms. Does Hudson have what he needs for lacrosse? Does Grady have to go to the potty? What time do we drop off Anna? I need to make sure all four of my kids have enough clothes for winter, right now. I should make a healthy food station in the kitchen for after school snacks. We have to do something about bookbag storage. Will Hudson's teacher be able to see how special he is? How's Anna doing with the new pressures of middle school? I have to make sure Grady's ready for preschool. Does he know what letter his name starts with? Hudson's taking the first grade star pre-test this week. Does that affect his college readiness? What if my kids aren't prepared for college? What will careers look like when they enter the workplace?
As you can see, the "control freak" (gag) in me is going strong right now. This time of year has more variables and I don't like variables. I like numbers. Regular numbers. Variables say, "this could change", "this is a placeholder", "be flexible". Yuck. I'm getting anxious just typing this.
That's why this Proverb hit me this morning. Here's the thing, it kind of doesn't matter what our plans are. God's purpose prevails. He's not trying to mix up our lives to make things more difficult, but He is saying, "I've got this under control. Hold onto me."
Ever been walking though a crowd and someone is walking in front of you making path? That's how I picture God in this scripture. He takes the heat from the crowd and makes the path easy. Imagine that "the people" are the things we want to control. That dude with the hat is Grady's potty training. The lady over there is all the worries I have about my kids making friends at school. God's going to push through that crowd and I don't have to freak out about it.
I still have stuff to do. If I don't fill out my kids' school forms, they will call me. And they won't be impressed if I say, "The Lord's purpose prevails," as a response. But I can let A LOT of this stuff go. And when I go down that rabbit hole of wanting control, I can pray this prayer:
Please help me to hold onto You in the variables. I don't need to control everything because You are in control and YOUR PURPOSE PREVAILS.