It's Just Fog
If you regularly read this blog, let me apologize for my absence. I started February with hearts in my eyes, ready to blog about love, but then, something happened. I experienced a spell of writer's block that's still plaguing me.
I remember when I first started blogging. It was a suggestion from a professional I met at a writers conference. She felt it would be good to grow my platform so getting a book deal would be easier. To me, it felt like one of those days at school where the teacher assigned extra homework in addition to the regular homework just as we were heading out to the bus. I was afraid it would take all of my precious writing time and I didn’t think people read blogs anymore. While both of those things are kind of true, it has been a blessing. Don’t worry. I’m not quitting.
Back to the meeting…I told her I didn’t think I had anything to say. She wasn’t phased and said, “Who’s your audience?” I said, “I don’t know. Stay-at-home moms? That’s what I am.”
Then, she said, “As a stay at home mom, what do you wish someone would have told you?”
I thought for a few minutes then said, “I would have wanted someone to tell me I’m not losing my mind. That even though I’m not even alone in the bathroom, the feeling I’m experiencing is loneliness. That I have to make time for friendships with other women or I’ll lose perspective. That there are a lot of things people will make you feel like are important, but there are just a few things that actually are.”
As I was speaking two things happened. Tears began falling down my cheeks and I felt a weight lifting from my chest I didn’t know was there.
This woman nodded and said, “Well, I think you know the answer.”
I had this fun idea to have a contest to name my blog. And people came up with some cool ideas, but none of them felt right to me. Anything that included my last name sounded like a cooking blog, so that was confusing. Ultimately, I thought back to that conversation and landed on Focus in the Fog because as a stay-at-home mom, things often feel foggy. Mommy blogs will make you feel like you’re failing your kids if you don’t add carrot puree to their spaghetti or if they’re not wearing a helmet to play well, anything outside. And you read these things and you really want to do it right so you pick it up and begin juggling. Soon, you feel so overwhelmed keeping everything up in the air, you’ve missed out on time with your kids which is why you chose to stay home in the first place.
Long story short, (too late) back to my absence. If I’m honest, I’ve been living in the fog recently. I sat down multiple time to write only to find I didn’t have any focus at all. I had ideas that weren’t coherent, let alone a blog post. I’ve been overwhelmed by the weather, my husband’s travel schedule, and the fact that my kids haven’t had more than one day a week in school since Christmas. While I’ve stayed on top of some things, my brain is so foggy.
I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way. We are in the middle of a pandemic and most of the nation is covered in ice and snow. Things are a little off right? No cause for alarm. I'm not depressed. I don't have anxiety. I don't feel hopeless or scared. I'm just a little numb. If there's one thing this year has taught me, it's that there's no normal life in the midst of a pandemic. It's not a sprint like we thought it might be last March. Instead, it's a marathon with no concrete finish line. So, there will be days when we're just trying to keep our motion forward moving.
Sorry I don't have anything more profound to share with you. I assume I'll be back to my normal self soon. I'll find a Bible passage that spoke to me or I'll want to give some sort of advice. But for today, it's important to acknowledge that I don't have the answers. I'm just trying to stay afloat. There are days I just don’t have clarity (as evidenced by all these mixed-metaphors) and that's okay. Hopefully it’ll pass, but for now, I’m going to take it one foggy step at a time. I hope you will too.